Erraticism and Bleakness

I am feeling erratic at the moment of this writing. I am sitting at a table in my favorite coffee shop. To my left, I have my glasses and a lighter. To my right I have my bag and my water bottle. For the past month or so, I have been rather deprived of intimacy. The few times I have had it, it has left me drained, because I knew it would not last. It was not a bandaid. It was not a temporary brace. It was my loneliness begging to not be alone for just a few minutes, knowing that when it was over and they were leaving, that the hollowness would come back, in stark contrast. I'm not talking about sex. Just being next to someone. But now. I don't know.